Do You Even Know What You Want?

There’s a question that’ll gut you if you sit with it long enough: Do you even know what you want?

Not what you’ve been told to want.

Not what your mates expect of you.

Not what your parents hoped for.

You.

Right now.

Do you know?

If the answer is no—or even “I’m not sure”—you’re not alone.You’re just finally getting honest.

Most Men Don’t Know—They Just Perform

You’re not broken because you’re lost.You're not weak because you don’t have a five-year plan or some bulletproof passion that wakes you up at 5am excited to “crush the day.”

Most men are performing.

They wake up, clock in, nod along, say “I’m good” when asked, scroll at lunch, lift heavy shit, crack a beer, play games, watch porn, chase empty sex, and deep down… feel nothing.

We’ve mastered the look. The mask. The persona.

We’ve faked being “fine” so well that we’ve convinced even ourselves.

But beneath it all is a silent truth echoing in the back of your skull: “This can’t be it.”

And it’s not. But you have to admit it to do anything about it.

You Can’t Find What You Won’t Define

Purpose isn’t a magical feeling.It’s not a lightning bolt or a vision board come to life.

It’s knowing what you want—and moving toward it, one hard decision at a time.

And if you don’t know what you want, your life will be dictated by what other people do want.

Your boss.Your girlfriend.Your mates. Your parents. Your social media feed.

You’ll be pulled in a dozen directions and mistake motion for meaning.

So before you chase success, relationships, validation, or even “healing”—pause.

Ask the question again:

What do you actually want?

Take the ego out of it. Take the pressure off. Forget what sounds cool or looks good on Instagram.

What matters to you, personally?

Why You Probably Don’t Know

If you’re stuck, there’s usually a reason. Or several.

Let’s be real.

1. You’ve been in survival mode for years.

When rent’s due, when work drains you, when your energy is spent just getting through the week—you don’t dream. You endure.

Your nervous system’s been hijacked by pressure, noise, responsibility.Dreams? Wants? That’s luxury talk.

But the truth is: surviving isn’t enough. Eventually, the cost of staying numb catches up.

2. You’ve never had space to think.

Everything around you is designed to distract.Your phone. The news. Spotify. Porn. TikTok. Your group chat. The “grind” culture.

You’re reacting to life, not directing it.

Silence feels uncomfortable because it forces reflection.And if you don’t reflect, you don’t find clarity.

3. You don’t trust yourself.

You’ve let yourself down.Started and stopped things.Promised and failed.Fallen back into bad habits.

So now, instead of getting honest about what you want, you convince yourself it doesn’t matter—or you aim small.

You settle for less because you’re afraid of what it means to want more.

Clarity Isn’t Complicated—It’s Confronting

People treat “purpose” like it’s some mystical riddle. It’s not.It’s about knowing yourself deeply enough to know what drives you—and then building a life around it.

Here’s how you get there:

1. Shut Up and Sit With Yourself

No music. No scrolling. No talking.Sit in silence for 10 minutes a day.

You’ll go crazy at first. You’ll itch for distraction.

But eventually, the mental fog lifts—and the voice you’ve been suppressing starts speaking again.

He knows what you want.He’s just been drowned out by noise.

2. Journal Like a Madman

Write it all down:

• What drains you?

• What energizes you?

• What parts of your life feel fake?

• What moments made you feel alive this year?

• What would make you proud to look back on in five years?

Don’t try to be deep. Be honest.

Write the ugly. The shame. The confusion. The boredom. The anger.

That’s the map to your clarity.

3. Track What You Envy

Scroll Instagram. Look at your mates. Watch strangers.

What are you jealous of?

Don’t dismiss it. Don’t call it petty. Study it.

If you envy someone’s freedom, their discipline, their relationship, their body, their lifestyle—it’s showing you something you want.

Envy isn’t always toxic. Sometimes it’s a flashlight.

4. Look Backward

What did you love doing as a kid before the world told you to “be realistic”?

What made time disappear?

What were you drawn to that you buried to fit in?

There’s usually a golden thread that leads back to who you were before survival took over.

5. Get Around Men Who Actually Live

Not the loud ones.Not the fake confident ones.

Men with real direction don’t brag about it—they just live it. They move with intent. They talk less and build more.

Find men who aren’t lost. Watch how they move.

Purpose is contagious.So is mediocrity. Pick who you’re catching it from.

Still Don’t Know What You Want? Start Here.

If you’re still blank, use this as your starting point:

Ask yourself:

• What do I definitely not want more of in my life?

• Who do I feel like when I’m at my absolute best?

• What small thing can I improve this week?

Sometimes you don’t find purpose—you build it, brick by brick.But the first brick is honesty.

Beware the Comfort Trap

Comfort is seductive.

Your routine. Your vices. The apps. The late-night scrolling. The weekend drinking. The empty relationships. The job you hate but tolerate.

They all give you one thing: familiarity.

Even if your life sucks, at least you know what to expect. That’s the trap.

You will never build the life you want from a place of comfort.

You have to disrupt it. Shake the system. Burn the autopilot script.

Start Wanting With Intention

Here’s the real shift:

Most men either want nothing… or want everything.

Both are useless.

You don’t need to want the world—you need to want something real.Something that makes you get out of bed earlier. Show up harder. Sacrifice for it.

Wanting isn’t weak.Wanting is power.

A man who knows what he wants is dangerous—because he becomes unshakeable.

But a man who doesn’t? He’s just drifting.

Examples of Real Wants (That Aren’t Instagram-Worthy)

Forget yachts and six-packs and Bali sunsets for a second.

Here are wants that actually change lives:

• I want to stop numbing myself just to get through the day.

• I want to build a body that makes me respect myself.

• I want to be a present father—not just a provider.

• I want to run a business that doesn’t destroy my mental health.

• I want to feel calm when I’m alone with my thoughts.

• I want a relationship where I can be real—not impressive.

• I want to sleep well knowing I gave a shit about my day.

These aren’t flashy.

They’re solid.

Rooted.

Real.

The Path Won’t Be Clean

Wanting something doesn’t make it easy.It just gives you a direction.

The path will still suck some days.You’ll doubt. You’ll stumble. You’ll regress.

But the difference is this:You’ll know what you’re stumbling toward.

That changes everything.

Final Word: Stop Playing Small

You’re not a lost cause. You’re just misdirected.

No school teaches men how to get clear on what matters.

No job gives you time to pause and reflect.

No relationship will fix the void inside you.

This is on you. But that’s good news—because it means you’re in control.

Don’t waste your life reacting. Don’t spend another decade chasing approval, staying numb, or pretending to be okay.

You’re allowed to stop. Recalibrate. Choose again.

But you can’t fix a life you’re not willing to question.

So question it.

Do you even know what you want? Because if you don’t—it's time you found out.